Saturday, October 6, 2012


So, it's been a long time, as usual.  I wish I had a good excuse, but I don't.  Just life--being busy with the girls and trying to keep them from driving me crazy this summer.

However, something is going on with me and I need to put it down on paper...err, just get it out of my head.  I have felt like crap for the last 8-9 days--horrible headaches and stomach pain/diarrhea.  Now, I am a sickly girl--always have been.  I have migraines, so the headaches didn't seem that unusual.  I also have irritable bowel (sorry if that's TMI), so the stomach thing wasn't surprising either.  But the length and severity of both, combined right now, are scaring me.  I've taken my meds for both and neither are working well. 

Needless to say, being this sick has made me a little depressed.  It's difficult to function--I was sick to my stomach while taking Kelly to school, and I can't be far away from a bathroom, so I can't run my errands.  Not to mention, my headache makes me dizzy and I don't trust myself to drive. 

But Friday morning, I started to wonder if there is some underlying problem--brain tumor?  Stomach cancer?  Are they both symptoms of something horrible?  As much as I didn't want to, I called and made an appointment for the doctor on Monday.  I'm hoping she will send me for an MRI or CAT scan so I can either know or rule out this scary possibility.

And going down this road, at least mentally, has me thinking about what I would miss with my girls and that, in turn, is making me emotional.  I have felt stuck in a rut the last few years, but still don't know what I want to be "when I grow up".  The idea that this is it, and I may not get a chance to see my kids grow up or ultimately make a difference in the world, is terrifying. 

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