Thursday, November 5, 2009

The LAST baby

Allison Nicole

Poor thing had jaundice!

Kelly Elizabeth

What kind of face is that?!

As you probably know, Mike and I have two beautiful girls, ages 4 and 14 months. We didn't plan for there to be 3 1/2 years between them, but Ally was/is a handful and never slept as an infant. So, we weren't even considering another one until she was 2 years old.

When I was a little girl (3rd grade or so), I wanted to be a teacher and a mommy. And I wanted 6 kids. Now, I am the oldest of 2 kids, so I think I wanted to experience a large family. Especially since my mom is one of 5, and my dad is one of 7. (And if you think that is a lot--my grandpa is one of 14!) Realistically, once I grew up and got married, I knew that 6 kids was not going to happen. Mike and I always said 2 or 3--he leaned more towards two, and I leaned more toward three!

When we decided to try for a baby, I went into it expecting fertility problems. It took my parents YEARS to conceive me, and that included all kinds of fertility treatment and shots. So Mike and I tried to conceive for a while, and then had to stop because I was having stomach problems and horrible migraines. Being overly cautious, I didn't want to take the meds on the chance that I was pregnant, and my dr was not happy with me. We focused on getting me healthy for a while, and then tried again later that year. After just a few months, we were thrilled to learn that we were expecting! I had a lot of morning (well, all-day) sickness and the hour commute did not help. But once that subsided, it was pretty easy for the next few months. The worst part of my pregnancy with Ally was the gestational diabetes--having to watch my diet like a hawk, but thankfully not having to take insulin. In the last month, I wound up with sciatica, which is excruciating pain in your lower back/hip area, so it hurt every time I took a step. However, I loved being able to talk to her while she was in my belly, and once I felt her move, it was amazing. Loved, loved, loved it! And of course, it is always totally worth the inconvenience in the end!

When we decided to try for number 2, I again expected problems, but conceived within 3 months of trying. This second pregnancy was much harder, for multiple reasons. 3 days after I took a positive pregnancy test, Ally shared the flu with me. I was sick for two months between the flu, subsequent ear and sinus infections, and I think I ultimately cracked a rib from coughing. One of the hardest things was not being able to take a nap when I needed to. All of my aches and pains started earlier as well. On the plus side, I first felt Kelly move around 3 months! She was an Olympic soccer player in the womb!

Once Kelly was here, Mike felt that our family was complete. He (his words) didn't want to put me through all that again. He also knows that I am stretched pretty thin and have a quickly diminishing supply of patience at home. So, for reasons of sanity, space, health and money, we agreed that we were done having kids. My mind understands that, but my heart doesn't. It is hard for me to accept that I will never be pregnant again, never go through the agony/amazing experience of birth again, and never see another beautiful little person that we created. Sometimes I wish that an "oops" would happen that would take it completely out of our hands. I agree that two kids is enough (and sometimes more!) than I can handle. Every time I hear that a friend or family member is expecting a baby, I am thrilled for them. I also feel a little pang of envy--I miss that fleeting newborn phase. It goes by too quickly. I guess that is why people have more babies!

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